A tale told by an argumentative idiot

Introductory – The prime reason:

Humans are strange animals. Amongst themselves they can distinguish one from the other, name them and distinguish each other’s characteristics. It would be difficult for, e.g., a crow or a jackal not to think all men as identical. Humans have also the tendency to show off their distinguishing marks; and also to hide their undistinguishing marks. If a person tries to tell his or her tale, it would be difficult to tell everything that has happened to him or her. One would like to show that if he hit a person on his nose and it started bleeding the teller would gladly and proudly tell his tale. But if suppose he is passing through a street wrapped in a large towel which keeps slipping from his body and if he sees that there on the balconies around people are sitting and looking down in the street and then suddenly his robe falls in the ground, would it be possible for him to describe that accident to any other person! Hence one of the characteristics of humans is not to tell its tale in full.

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I must start with a confession: I am an ordinary non-descriptive person, who has not any distinguishing mark which can be discerned, like having a horn on my forehead, like a Unicorn. However I am distinguished by a rather unique characteristic which is: I am an idiot. People who have known me think that, in spite of my being an idiot, I am an argumentative idiot. As far as I remember since my childhood I have been arguing over everything under the sun: why there is a hair in my milk; why I was scolded by my father; why my sister got two pieces of cake while I got just one; why should I wear knickers while my papa wore a pant; why I should start learning arithmetic; why should I take vitamin pills with my breakfast; etc. etc. I am not aware from whom this gene of argument has entered my being. If it is god given, then why chose me to become an argumentative person.

However I am missing a point here. Why I have characterized myself as an idiot. Probably I cannot answer this question. However let me try. I think when I was five or six years old in our sitting room in the corner there was a big glass plate on which flowers etc. were carved. One day it so happened that I picked it up from the table and it just slipped out of my hand and broke down into pieces. My father was sitting slightly far away reading a book. The crash woke him up. He rode with full throat ‘you idiot!’. Since then I have not only assumed but I have come to believe that I am an idiot; and an argumentative idiot. Hence if I tell my tale it should be remembered that it is largely an idiotic talk with almost no meaning or no distinctive properties.

I belong to a respectable family, as the people say. My father, employed as a civil servant in an old British Indian province. He came from an old Zamindar family who were largely Maulvis (teachers) and clerics. In old days our forefather used to write grammar for Persian and Arabic texts. During the reign of Aurangzeb, the last great Mughal Emperor, who is much abhorred by certain people for unknown reasons. Our family was given a large Jaagir (endowment), to pray for the safety and welfare of the Mughal Empire and do the teaching work. They were pious people with a tendency to live a life of Sufis with little interest in worldly affairs. However they had enough land to sustain themselves and their large family. They used to like writing rather undistinguished Persian poetry. One of them, about 200 years back became famous as a lexicographer and grammarian in Persian and Urdu languages. Our original Jaagir was in a Mufassil, the village as called by British rulers which was not in town. This village largely owned by our family there were low caste Muslim and Hindu populous whose main job was to serve the owner of the land. I am not very much aware what usually they were supposed to do apart from serving as in any manner which we wanted them to serve. As I was told by my mother these people who were strictly not servants were given various kinds of foodstuff to survive on. They usually used to plow land, take care of large fruit bearing gardens, of pond, keep our house clean, take care of cattle and in the evening take care of male owners. As I understand in the village life was useful, pleasant and undistinguished. I have come to know that these land owners used to spend their days and night either playing cards or lolling in their beds or arguing with each other. Probably I have inherited this last property in a distinct manner.

My father was an intelligent young man. His first choice was to become a scholar in Islamic subjects, an Alim. But around the age of 13 or so he suddenly decided that he would learn English and study in a modern way. I don’t know how such idea crept in his mind. However in any case it was a brilliant idea. He decided and told my grandfather that he wants to go to Calcutta, away from Bihar, to study in a good school there. In Calcutta my father’s son-in-law’s brother used to live doing business there. My grandfather agreed to his son’s plea for this son was his youngest son. My uncle was not a bright person he was more interested in having his tummy filled up, and lie down reading some Masnawi, the poetic love story. My grandfather has seen that his youngest son used to read serious books including Persian poetry like that of Sadi and Hafiz. Rather he let his darling son go.

My father has largely lived in the village, leading a careful life, studying Persian and Arabic in a relaxed manner. A Pandit used to come to teach some arithmetic. It was a life which I think was worth living but he decided to indulge in some adventure. Was it idiocy (I can’t answer it but I think that perhaps my idiocy stems from that idiotic behavior).

When my father came to Calcutta it was big cosmopolitan British city which was the capital of British India. The time was around the latter half of 1890s. He was dumbfounded – it was a neat and clean town with lots of Englishmen with their beautiful Memsahib. Each street was lit up with gas light. Sweepers used to clean the streets diligently in the morning. Huge horse driven carriages used to ply around. My father used to say that when Mirza Ghalib visited Calcutta something like this must have simply dazzled him. For the rest of his life Ghalib was always full of praise for Calcutta.

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Father it seems had a preplanned schedule prior to reaching the great city.A metropolitan like Calcutta can easily disorient and disrupt a young lad coming from a far off village.At that time Calcutta was the capital city of British India. The city was full of Britishers,administrators,businessmen, military men and sight seers. There was a large community of what was called The Anglo Indians.These people were descendants of British fathers and Indian mothers.They had their own characteristic cultural values, largely a bad imitation of lower class British folks. They were largely employed in the Indian railway system, as locomotive drivers,guards and station masters. Largely these people were a happy-go-lucky folks.Their women tended to be a bit wayward, but off course not all of them.Some of the Anglo Indians were intellectually bright involved in teaching and as correspondents for newspapers.At present one of the most renowned Anglo Indian is Ruskin Bond, the great fiction writer.Father observed all of them and drew his own conclusions.He was coming from a deeply religious family,but had a uniquely probing mind.He never questioned the basic truth of Islam but till late in his life he had some doubt over some of the basic propositions as enunciated by Shariah laws.He came from a family which was deeply influenced in 19th century by what is known as Wahhabism - but this rather strict form of Islamic ideological framework was impregnated with ideas from an ancient Islamic school,the Motazalites.Father observed the Bengali bhadralok ,the high cast learned Bengalis. He liked their keen interest in learning and in literature; and he used to say that these people were a bit tricky and clannish and selfish.H observed Bengali babus going to Writers Building,the administrative block of British Raj.He saw these clerks as ordered by their superiors to wear socks with their shoes.He saw that the socks were quite shredded in sole.They carried rather rickety umbrellas to save themselves from scorching sun and pouring rain.

Father had sufficient money to live a student's life in the city. Soon he came to know that some of the English sahibs were in search if teachers who can help them in studying Persian language. He managed to offer his services. For a number of years he, being a student of English and Science , became a teacher of Persian. This job made him more familiar with English as it is spoken.He learned from these Britishers some of the nasty English words which he used to say when he was in a rage.

Father studied hard, indeed very very hard as he used to say later in his life, throughout his student days. He passed his matric examination with flying colors. He got himself amongst the top students, which gave him the opportunity to get admitted in the Presidency college, Calcutta's best teaching institute. He got admitted in F.A. class; and after completing the courses, he was given a first division in the final exam.

Father had no idea that he would end up as a student in the Calcutta medical college. At that time the British India had very few medical colleges.The competition was back breaking. Usually at Calcutta only those coming from top Bengali casts and from Anglo Indian community got admitted due to their meritorious record. Father obtained no less good result in his F.A. Exam. His family though was not inclined towards medicine but they indulged in non professionally practicing the Unani (Muslim) medicine. They used to prepare all sorts of drugs , largely for common diseases. It is interesting to note that Father, after he qualified as a physician, got interested in preparing Allopathic medicines. His other interest revolved round infectious diseases like malaria,cholera and kalaazar.

On the basis of his F.A. result, Father was able to get admitted in medical college without any difficulty.He used to say that some of the initial courses were very tough ; he has to learn by heart many technical terms especially in Anatomy. During his childhood he had gone through such rigorous test by learning Persian ans Arabic grammar and lexicography. The whole period which he spent as a medical student was for him exhilarating. He learnt many things. He observed many patients with severe ailments. He had to dissect the human dead bodies. He always remembered when the first opened the stomach of a dead man and found the inner parts most fascinating and awe- aspiring. The medical studies took about five years to complete. During this period he got familiarised with the medical terms and its characteristics culture. Father was a bit scared of such culture which kind of put a pressure on him. As a matter of course during his childhood he was raised in Islamic theology and Persian poetry. His new profession was for him an extra burden which tended to displace his earlier interests. It is remarkable that,in spite of such professional pressure he maintained a deep and lasting interest in the earlier likings. His favourite poet was Saadi,the greatest Persian poet, whom he kept quoting throughout his life. In theology he was rather strict in his ideological stance.During his stay in Calcutta he developed the habit chewing pan (betel leaf ) often with tobacco. This habit affected his dental set. At the age 35 or so he got all his teeth removed and started wearing dentures. He developed the habit of smoking cigarettes when he was finishing his medical studies. He gave up chewing pan a little later.


Father completed his medical studies, without much difficulty with flying color. Before coming to Calcutta he never expected himself to become a physician. His becoming a doctor surprised him a bit, but during his training and the environment around him he knew that he was going to be a physician. After completing his studies he went back to his village where he was treated like a knight returning from a successful mission. He had an old maid servant who has taken care of him during his childhood. She, and old woman who knew the world blessed him with saying:"May God make u a darogha !! " Darogha means sub-inspector of police who rules over village security. Father was offered two positions as a sub-assistant surgeon by the Bihar and UP provincial medical service. Relatives advised him not to go to UP; and he therefore joined the Bihar provincial service. During his early service he often used to go to some villages where cholera epidemic flared up. The whole village was emptied of all inhabitants and he was one of the doctors who took care of patients. At that time cholera used to spread rapidly and take a heavy toll. Gradually, and very gradually the epidemic was contained. It took many years before this calamity was eradicated. Father remembered two episodes from his earlier term of service. Dr. Ross, who discovered the malaria parasite and got Nobel prize for his investigations, came to the sub division headquarters where Father was posted. Ross was looking for mosquito strains which contained the malarial parasite. Father offered his services to him. Both of them used to go to ditches and other places where still water was present. They used to catch mosquitoes with nets. Ross used to crush a single mosquito and with a spatula pick up some blood and put it up on a slide; and after fixing it used to observe under microscope. Father always remembered Dr. Ross who was deeply involved in his scientific work was a kind hearted man and quite gracious. The other episode which Father remembered was of an Afghan who visited his town and was suffering from tuberculosis. He requested the doctor to provide him with one liver of goat which he used to boil and eat. Within a few months the Afghan cured himself of the infectious disease. Only later liver extract was made as a tonic. Father used to say had he been more careful he would have prepared the extract and through a pharmaceutical company would have made sufficient amount of money. Later in his life, when he became a well known physician he was able to make large sums of money.

Father had three siblings. The eldest was his eldest sister, who was about twenty years older than him. The second was a brother who was about eighteen years old. In between him and his brother, there was a girl who survived for only few months. The youngest sibling was the young sister, about five years younger to him. The eldest sister had four sons. The eldest was keenly interested in Persian literature. Father, while he was studying in Calcutta, brought this boy there. He proved to be a brilliant student and later a brilliant scholar. After doing his M.A. , he became a professor of Arabic, Persian and Urdu in Presidency college. He edited the illustrated volume of Rubaiyat of Umar Khaiyam; and also the poetical collection of Mirza Kamran, the younger brother of Mughal emperor Humayun. He wrote extensively on various Persian volumes of Ramayana. Which were largely written during the reigns of Shahjahan and Aurangzeb. He wrote both in English and in Urdu, and was regarded as one of the most scholarly critic of the Persian literature written in India. At the age of 38 he developed cancer and could not survive the disease. On his death father was inconsolable. He used to say that the son of literature in the family has set in. The second son of his sister was raised by father who ultimately got his medical degree from Patna Medical College. The youngest sister was married to an advocate of good family in Ara. After the partition of 1947 her family left for Pakistan.

When father joined the Bihar provincial medical service, he started learning about X-Ray techniques as used in medicine. He went back to Calcutta for 6 months’ training and the Bihar civil list always enlisted him as a doctor qualified in X-Ray work. Once when the governor of Bihar and his lady visited a hospital where x-ray facilities were available, father requested the lady to put her bag on the table. He thereafter x-rayed the purse and told her what was inside. Both the governor and his wife were much pleased and they told the English civil surgeon to take care of the Muslim physician. As we said earlier, father was deeply interested in preparing the allopathic mixtures. He used to experiment in this direction and, sometimes later, he taught for two years in Darbhanga medical college Metrica Medica. His other interest in this direction was about patients’ pulses. He used to study Unani and Vedic descriptions of how in ancient times physicians used to study a patients malady.

Father became interested into hobbies. His first was cars. When he joined the service he bought a Ford-T model car which has recently come to the market. There is a photograph of the young doctor standing by the side of his new car wearing typical Georgian English dress with a felt hat and a thin stick in his hand. He had rather large hair on his head and his upper lip was studded with a thick black, well trimmed moustache. In the photograph he looks quite happy, is a little fatter around his mid rib and quite well satisfied with the world. He liked his T model and drove it in his spare times. At that time he was not married and it looks he enjoyed his life with pan and cigarette. He bought a number of cars during his service days. At the end of his carriers he had two large American cars, one a Buick and the other a Chevrolet. During his last years of service, his eyes started giving him some trouble and his eyes started giving him trouble. In any case there always was a salaried driver with him. One remembers when he was a civil surgeon, and when he used to go on a tour to various subdivisions and villages when there was a medical outdoor hospital he used to sit, in the back of his car, the driver driving and orderly sitting besides the driver in the front row. As he was a big Raj officer he was not supposed to drive his car when going on a tour. These officers were very well respected and were expected to show a kind of stiff upper lip.

Father’s second hobby was to collect guns. He had always a number of guns, rifles and a revolver. On tour he always kept a revolver in his bag. It seems he had a mania of collecting fire arms. This is perhaps due to the fact that his sister’s second son, who was made incharge of village land was a keen and well known hunter. He was often with father to take him to numerous Shikar (hunting) parties. They used to kill deer, often a bear and tigers. Father developed a keen interest in Shikar. He used to go with the officers for hunting during the winter season. He used to come back laden with all sorts of animal carcasses. The meat was distributed throughout the official circle. We must say a word about his third hobby which was enjoying a good meal. He liked meat of every animal which was permissible. He never ate pork. He loved partridges, ducks and other birds which used to come from Siberia during winter days. Wherever he lived he had a large collection of chickens, ducks and turkeys. He also liked pet birds. The house bubbled with the noises of these birds in cages. Before his retirement, he gave up all these interests. He stopped going to Shikar; sold most of his guns and stopped keeping pet birds. We don’t know what prompted him to make such amends. It seems that he was becoming more religious minded than otherwise. It is almost certain that when he went to Calcutta and during most of his service time he was not interested in praying. Sometimes he used to go to mosque, but that was all. After retirement the whole scenario changed.

Father married quite late in his life. He was 34 when he got married to a large Zamidar family. Mother was a pious kind lady who used to give alms and other provisions to needy people. During war time, i.e. the second world war, she used to send soaps, hair oil, clothes to needy members of the family of her and husband’s. These things were in short supply during the war time. Mother came from a family which was deeply religious. She found her husband a little religiously wayward. That initially shocked her bit because of the fact that father was also from a deeply religious family. Soon she adjusted herself to his whims. Father used to go to watch pictures and she accompanied him all the paraphernalia of a respected pious lady. She liked his entertaining his friends with dinners. The house always hummed with preparing food for sumptuous evening meals. Probable this was the way she kept herself on an even keel. We must say that in her own manner, she loved her husband deeply. Once when her husband took a ride on a bike returning from a hospital he fell down and broke his left arm she cried and wept and kept praying for his getting better. Father pooh-poohed this indulgence, for him it was a mere disaster when a child came in front of his bike.

Father had a large number of children, five daughters and three sons. He loved his eldest daughter very much. She was married in a Nawab family with a great pomp and show. No less than five hundred guests came, including from bridegrooms side. People used to say that this was one of the most glorious they have seen. It seems that during his service he was too involved in his job and took not much interest in his children. However this is not the case he in a manner arranged for everything about his children. A Maulvi always lived in the house and a teacher came to teach English and mathematics to boys and girls. His eldest son passed his high school when he had already retired. He was much pleased and expected him to take his place as a physician. The headstrong son refused. In any case all of his children got good education.

After his retirement from the service father became deeply religious in his total world view. Perhaps his wife’s lifelong prayer bore fruit. He went along with his wife for Haj to Mecca and Medina and came back a totally different man. Of course after retirement he practiced medicine for a while, though stopped doing surgery. He always loved books and read extensively in different fields of knowledge. However after his retirement he started collecting a huge collection of Islamic books and studied them extensively. Father lived a long life and when he passed away perhaps he has fulfilled all his desires which he dreamt when he first went to Calcutta to learn the English language and to know the modern world.

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About Mother

Those who knew our mother in her old age simply cannot fathom how she was when in her prime. Mother was a simple lady coming from a large Zamidar (Landholder) family. The family came from old Sufi devotees who were given a large Jaagir by the Mughal kingdom. Such Jaagirs were given to religious people who were not under any obligation to their kingdom except these Jaagirdars were to pray for the welfare and stability of the Mughal kingdom. Such Jaagirs were inherited by the eldest of the family after the death of the previous owner. When East India Company, and later the British government took over the, Jaagir reduced in some size, was made into a Zamidari under the permanent system of Lord Cornwallis. Mother came from a large family with five brothers and two more sisters. These Zamidars were obedient servants of the British Raj and were invested with titles from the Raj. Though when the freedom movement started all over the countries some of their sons became rebellious. From mother’s family many joined Congress and demanded liberation from the British rule. However mother’s eldest brother, who ruled supreme over the family, was a Barrister at Law. He was quite friendly and on amicable terms with the government. Mother was married to father when she was about twenty; the difference between their ages was quite substantial. Before marriage she lived in a house full of people: it was a joint family. When she went to her husband’s house she was the queen of the house. Such transformation - cultural or otherwise - made her responsible maiden. Gradually she realized that she had to turn into a Memsahib of a well known doctor. She had to run the house in a responsible manner. Father used to make substantial money out of private practice. All the money which he earned in a day he would deposit with his wife. She started keeping a big box in which all the notes and coins were deposited each day.


Mother was a typical Muslim girl from a well to do family who were instructed in elementary education, largely dealing with religious matters. Before her marriage she used to read Urdu magazines largely meant for Muslim ladies. In her youth she was a charming girl with fair complexion and of middle height and straight nose and large pair of eyes. She was of course not a beauty in the superlative tense but was beautiful to look at. She was a bit shy and liked to stay away from people with her books etc. After marriage she saw her husband with an innocent eye. He was a bit plump with heavy moustaches on his upper lips and slightly long hair on his head. He was quite healthy and active. She discovered in him a rather independent minded person. Who tended to criticize everybody who deferred from him. Slightly bookish in his attitude he differed from cleric type of persons who had very strict view about religion and day to day behavior. This attitude was slightly unfamiliar to her. She had come from a family whose sons and daughters followed the rule of law promulgated by the elders. Her husband, she found, did not pray much. Soon it so happened that she tended to forget her prayers which slightly upset her. After marriage she always wore sari in a typically unique manner. Her blouses were full and she covered her body with great care. Father wanted her to use clips to arrange her sari but she refused. She parted her hair in the middle. Father wanted her to part her on the side. She again refused. Sooner than later father knew one thing. His wife was a headstrong girl who was unyielding in her behavior. Slowly but inevitably she understood one thing (which father also did), that both were devoted to each other and has to spend their life together in a reasonably amicable manner. Father was a kind hearted man, but once a while he used to get flared up. Whosoever came before him did not go unpunished. Mother understood this behaviour and used to tell her children not to go to him when he was not in a good mood. This used to happen only when father over worked and had some problem to solve. He was a busy man, he had to take care of a large hospital and its wards where patients were always in a bitter mood. Orderlies and nurses have to be reprimanded and told to do their work in an efficient manner. Father did not like any dog roaming in the hospital area. He used to take his gun with him and kill off any dog which came inside the hospital compound. Mother knew these things and therefore was aware that her husband, not a bad person, was a busy person.


Mother had many children. She had to take care of all of them, in spite of the fact that there were a large retinue of servants, both females and males. She had to keep the house in order get them spruced up and, as father disliked un-cleanliness the house has to be in a shipshape. There were two cooks, one mail, and one female. Each morning she has to give them instructions for what to cook and how to cook. Occasionally guests came in droves and preparations have to be made in a grand manner. Memsahib was often cross with her tutelage. She scolded them in a mild manner. Sweepers who came from hospitals were instructed to clean up the house and toilet in a reasonably good manner. Often a maid servant came from hospital to put oil on her legs and body. This was the usual practice in a hospital, whose in charge was the assistant surgeon. Father used to get all kinds of magazines both English and Urdu. She gradually started reading some of the English magazines. In Urdu magazines for Muslim ladies she started writing small pieces dealing with the day to day life of a Muslim householder. She was a charming woman who talked with strangers and the wives of officials in a polite manner; asking for their children etc. She took care of all her servants. She gave them money to send to their families in villages; gave them clothes and apparels.


Father was in government service where transfers used to take place quite frequently, after about three years. To each headquarters she went she had to renew her acquaintances with the people there. That to a great extent broadened her mind. She knew about the caste system of Hindu families. She did not give meat to eat, and entertained them largely with sweet meats. She was an active woman who went everywhere with her husband if he wanted her to accompany him. On retirement, along with her husband mother underwent a drastic change. She started devoting herself to religious duties in a most prominent manner. She read Quran regularly and other religious books along with religious magazines. Father always respected the Hindu view of life. And he rarely criticized Hindu religion. Mother understood this basic fact. We are not aware if she ever said a bad thing about Hindu’s. When in 1946 religious riots started in mainly in Patna and Gaya districts she used to declare that those who are indulging in such kind of communal disturbances are neither Hindus nor Muslims. Her children gradually understood her policy. This is really what we call the composite culture behaviour. This culture has been in reign at least since the time of the great Gautham Buddha. India has rarely seen a large conflict between different communities on the sub continent. What happened in 1946 and 1947 was quite unique and un-Indian. In this sense we should remember that mother was a jewel in the crown of composite culture. She accompanied her husband for the Haj and when they came back people saw her lady with a deep religious behavior. She started wearing kurta and paijama after her return. However, soon, we don’t know why, she reverted back to her old sari. She had always liked soft colors and in her old age people usually saw her as a lady in white garment. Covering her head and talking in a soft manner.